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My husband and I have been married for two years. We have been trying to conceive a child for over a year and have not been successful. Our struggle to conceive is taking over our life. We are always thinking about it, talking about it, and planning for the next infertility treatment. Our friends all seem to be getting pregnant at the drop of a hat, and we can’t help but feel jealous of them, and even more isolated in our situation. Although we have always had a good relationship, the emotional toll of infertility has created a major wedge between us. We argue constantly, don’t laugh like we used to, and only have sex when we are “supposed to” -at the time of the month when we have the best chance of getting pregnant. I really want our marriage back!
Hi, Caryn here! I have been helping individuals and couples navigate infertility issues for many years. I am glad you are reaching out for help, because it is devastating when infertility hijacks a relationship. Infertility demands constant attention to nurture its needs, and the energy required to find solutions may leave you both so exhausted and emotionally depleted to be there for each other in healthy ways.
It is important for you to know that you are not alone in your struggle- in fact, 1 in 8 couples have difficulty conceiving. So how can you deal with the infertility issues and still maintain a loving relationship? Here are four recommendations:
- Focus on couple-care. Set aside time when you and your spouse can nurture each other. When was the last time you gave each other a massage or took a long walk together in nature?
- Have “fertility free” date nights. Schedule time for the two of you to connect over conversation that is NOT about fertility.
- Plan a romantic getaway, even if it just for one night. Time away from your everyday existence can give you perspective, revive your emotional and physical connection, and provide you needed distance from the stressors of infertility.
- Make an appointment for couples therapy. It will feel like a huge relief! You and your spouse will be able to step out of your isolation and share what has been going on with a professional therapist in Bethesda, MD. You will be able to explore the painful feelings connected to infertility that are hijacking your relationship. Most importantly, you will quickly begin the process of reviving your marriage.
Do you know a couple who has infertility issues, but is uncertain about where to turn for help? Refer them to Emily Cook Therapy, a counseling practice in Bethesda, MD that specializes in therapy for individuals and couples who are struggling to conceive. Call us today, we can help!